Pre-Adoption Baby Showers: To Do Or Not To Do?

Pre-Adoption Baby Showers: To Do or Not To Do? That is the question we recently posted on the Adoption STAR Facebook Page. Here are some of the many responses we received. As you can see it is a very personal decision!

• Alison, a two-time Adoption STAR mommy wrote: We had a shower as soon as we were home study ready. I felt strongly that we get to experience all the anticipation and celebration as the rest of my family and friends who had their children biologically. But, I also didn’t want to have a shower for a specific baby, since we had no idea who we would end up adopting. So, we had the shower early in the adoption process, and we had a very adoption focused shower. The adoption theme allowed us to really bring people into our journey and educate them more. As it turned out, we brought our son home about a month later, so the timing was perfect! His birth mom loved that we had a shower. She knew we had all the stuff we needed to take good care of him. (Thank you Alison for sharing the pictures from your shower.).
• Charla, another STAR mom, wrote: When our son came home we had an open house, people got to meet the baby and brought gifts if they wanted too.
• Jodie, a STAR mommy times three, wrote: I refused to buy anything, have a shower, etc. beforehand. I think we had too many miscarriages and heartache to trust that it would actually happen. Even after we got the call, bought plane tickets and such I still wouldn’t buy anything. We left STAR with Tyler and went to Babies R Us. LOL We did have a shower after he’d been home a few weeks and it was great because everyone got to meet him. I think it is a very personal decision for each family and there’s no right or wrong.

• Gretchen, a new STAR mom, wrote: We did not… we are superstitious to an extent but also, we did not share our plans to adopt with anyone other than family and close friends. As a matter of fact, only a select few knew when we were matched. Ultimately, if the AP’s are comfortable with it then I think it is great, too. Just not my style. Baby registry is another story, though. It is nice to be prepared if you get matched last minute!
• Melissa, also a STAR mom, wrote: We had a shower after our daughter came home. It was great because everyone got to meet her.
• Stephanie, a STAR mom and employee wrote: I am adamantly for adoption baby showers. After I went to 200 other people’s baby showers I felt my family deserved the same celebration. And I tell every family for whom I write a home study that they should have one too.
• Karen, a STAR mommy times two and a mom to a third by birth, wrote: WE didn’t want anything until we had the BABY in our arms… and the 30 days was over with…after that our families had “showers” for both. The boys where they were in attendance of course…I’m too superstitious…probably the miscarriages were always in the back of my mind too.
• Belinda, who recently adopted a third time, (two STAR babies!) wrote: For the 1st two we waited until they were home. My Mom did one for Hunter and our church family did one for Malachi.
• Dina, another STAR mom wrote: We had our baby shower two months after Christian came home. He was the guest of honor and everyone got to meet him. Would not have done it any other way. I just think it would be too hard to have things and the adoption does not happen. We had an adoption that did not happen after Christian and bought a pink car seat and diapers before hand that we had to return and it was hard. I say wait until you have the baby in your arms.
• Susan, one of our first Adoption STAR mommies, wrote: We had a “meet baby/baby shower” together. My family pulled it together two weeks after we brought our daughter home. It was great way to introduce her to everyone!
• Dana, another STAR mommy, wrote: Yes, my mother in law had a “Come meet my Grandson” party! LOL!
• Jess, a STAR mom also, wrote: We waited until Nicholas was home. We knew if something went wrong that it would be too painful to look at. We just bought what we needed for the hospital.
• Colette, an Adoptive mom, wrote: We registered once we were matched… We had our baby shower 3 weeks after he came home! It was awesome to have him there for everyone to see! I wouldn’t have done it prior. That’s just us… We loved having him there and it was the baby shower I had always dreamed of!

• Tee, an Adoption STAR mom, wrote: For us, we knew in our hearts that adoption would succeed and we would be parents. We didn’t know when, or who the birth family would be, or when we would match, but we absolutely believed it would happen. When our dear friends asked to throw us a baby shower we were not yet matched (home study complete). They were moving out of state and wanted to shower us before they left. Our shower was for us and for the baby that would someday join our family. Whoever that baby might be. Our sweet son arrived months later in a post-birth match. Good thing we had all the goodies on hand!
• Sarajane, a new STAR mommy wrote: We waited to have a shower until Ember was home with us. We did register for things during the wait so the registry would be ready at a moments notice. For us, it was the right decision. We waited almost 10 months after being home study ready until we got the call. It would have been too hard to look at all the beautiful things and wonder if/when a baby would ever be with us to use them all. As it was, every time we heard “no” or had something fall through the next time I walked into what was going to be the nursery and saw the crib (the only thing we did have) I burst into tears. It was great having Ember at the showers because we passed her around and everyone got to meet her and snuggle. It was also nice not to have to entertain a stream of visitors everyday once we were home. We got all the introductions covered in a couple of days!
• Amy, a STAR mom, wrote: We had a shower, and got a call a month later. It was actually therapeutic to set up everything baby.
• Angela, an adoptive mom, wrote: Wait until baby is in Hand! Ours adoption fell through and we had lots of monogrammed items and nothing to do with them but grieve!
• Sarah, an adoptive mom, wrote: I think it depends on the parents. We had a failed placement and it was so hard to even look at the things we bought after. I am glad we didn’t have a shower. We did have a huge shower and party when our son came home and was in our arms. It was a great chance for him to be part of the celebration.
• Jennifer, a hopeful adoptive mom, wrote: I’m so glad you posted this…. I’ve been wondering what to do! Just finished our home study and our family has been offering. I don’t think I’ll be having one until we are matched and baby is home… I think it’s a wonderful idea to have baby there to celebrate with everyone…
• Debra, touched by adoption through family, wrote: My sister adopted and we waited until she was home with my beautiful niece.
• Jennifer, another hopeful adoptive mother, wrote: I am in the process of adoption and we are having an adoption party…I am registering a few places but nobody is obligated to bring a gift…my family feels it’s the right thing…
• Lynn, an international adoption adoptive parent, wrote: I had a shower a few weeks before we traveled to Colombia. It was great to get many things we needed to bring. With the cost of the adoption it was very helpful and it was a special day.

Read More from Our Social Media:

• How Did You Know the Adoptive Parents you Selected were the Right Parents for Your Baby
• From Our Social Media: Profiling Opportunities
• Naming Your Child
• What Does National Adoption Month Mean to You

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