Being There For A Birth Mother

Western New York Perinatal Bereavement Network. I am so grateful for and appreciative of my co-workers at Adoption STAR, as I know I can lean on them when I need support and they will always have my back. We really do care about one another, and it feels like more than just a team…it feels like a family. Because of the support from my colleagues, I felt assured that I could support my client who was dealing with one of the most shocking and tragic experiences. About 6 months ago, I heard from the prospective adoptive family that had been matched with this expectant mother. They let me know that she had passed away. A wave of emotions ran over me, and I found myself feeling especially pleased that I had gone to be with her in her time of need after the miscarriage. When I tell people what I do for a living, so many tell me that they wish they had my job. But I think many people tend to fixate on the joy the adoptive family feels at the time of placement and fail to recognize how incredibly difficult placement is for the birth parent(s). As much as I do enjoy my job and feel fortunate to be a part of the journey for expectant parents and birth parents, each and every case is bittersweet. With every placement, there is a family experiencing one of the happiest days of their lives while another family grieves through one of the most difficult days of their lives. That’s the reality (and the gravity) of what I’m dealing with…but I really can’t imagine myself doing anything else. Written by Adoption STAR’s Senior Adoption Coordinator and Birth Family Advocate Sue Shaw. Sue Shaw has worked with birth families since she joined Adoption STAR in 2006. Sue states, “I have discovered a passion for the field of adoption and believe that it is my calling in life.” Sue works directly with expectant parents providing them counseling, referrals and support throughout their pregnancies.]]>